


Reason

by Arlen_12



Series: Broken Soul [2]
Category: A3! (Anime), A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Blood and Violence, F/M, Hallucinations, Mental Breakdown, Past Child Abuse, Psychological Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29862018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlen_12/pseuds/Arlen_12
Summary: Trapped in a dark past makes him sometimes hallucinate, for example like this time.Have you ever thought about him? About the pain he received? You always turn away, don't care about him.However, he still remembers you. About you.Reason why he ended up like this, was because of her, him, his family.
Relationships: Minagi Tsuzuru/Tachibana Izumi
Series: Broken Soul [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188356
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Reason

Tsuzuru's footsteps walked carefully through the hallway. A feeling of nervousness slowly enveloped his body. The light on the ceiling of the wall slowly dimmed, not enough to provide light in the hallway.

_Bruk!_

In the quiet hallway, Tsuzuru could hear loud voices, as if there was a commotion or a violent argument. Tsuzuru's footsteps then stopped at a door, a room. His sense of hearing caught the sound of broken glass, items being thrown, the sound of men and women screaming, the sound of pain. pain. It was the sound of pain! Tsuzuru's body trembled violently, cold sweat pouring out of his temples. He's scared. He's nervous. He was confused. He was very scared! However, there was nothing he could do but stand still outside the door, feeling uneasy.

Tsuzuru secretly tried to slightly open the door, intending to take a peek so he would know what was really going on in the room. Somehow, the door wasn't locked. Slowly, Tsuzuru pushed the door a little so he could see what was going on there.

And, he saw his father who was strangling his mother's neck.

_Then, Tsuzuru woke up from his sleep._

* * *

_Who are you suffering for?_

_Why are you trying so hard like that?_

_No one will praise you anyway._

Or, maybe it should be like that. Tsuzuru sat languidly on his bed, he then looked at the window in his room. It was still night, and the clock was still 1 o'clock in the morning. The room was not very bright because Tsuzuru chose to turn off the lights in the room. Moonlight also couldn't illuminate the room. Tsuzuru fell silent, speechless. His index and middle fingers then move toward his neck, towards the bandage that is wrapped around his neck.

He rubbed his neck gently. Then, laugh. Laugh sarcastically. Laughter with a tone that quite loud. And suddenly he strangled his neck, strangled tightly, as if he was strangling someone he hated, someone he cursed. Of course, who else but _himself?_

However, if in reality he was the one who strangled his neck.

But not in Tsuzuru's sight. In his sight, he imagined his mother doing this. Strangling him strongly while cursing him, mocking him, and also saying that Tsuzuru is a useless child and it would be better to die than become a burden on family. Tsuzuru still clearly remembered the look in his mother's eyes, which looked at him like a despicable, disgusting animal. Her tiny hands, pale white skin, strangled Tsuzuru's neck. All of that, Tsuzuru himself never once forgot the incident.

He was tortured. But, did his mother see his misery? No. Her mother even tortured Tsuzuru as an outlet for her anger. Oh, why? Why does it have to be like that?

_Bruk!_

Too strong when strangled his neck, Tsuzuru unconsciously dropped himself from the bed onto the floor. Tsuzuru coughed, coughed many times. His eyes reddened, and the skin on his face turned pale. His vision began to blur, and he also felt a strong sense of dizziness attacking his head. His eyes then shifted to the corner of the room, there was a middle-aged woman wearing shabby clothes. Her hair was messy like a crazy person. And her neck has a strangulation, as well as a loop of rope. Her body was emaciated, and her lips were chapped.

That woman, her mother. Staring at him silently, Tsuzuru who saw that widened his eyes, surprised by the presence of his mother which he would have wanted to forget if he could. But, no matter how hard Tsuzuru hated that woman, no matter how hard Tsuzuru intended to forget her. Still, the feeling of guilt for being a child that put a strain on the family, having no particular feat other than writing downright ridiculous fiction, and not having a talent for certain things always enveloped his heart. Feeling guilty for being a failed child. Damned child. Outcast child.

“I-I'm sorry..., I'm sorry Mother.” Tsuzuru said in a low voice as he looked down at the floor, not daring to raise his head and look at his mother's face. He couldn't do that, he was too scared. Too scared to see the look of contempt shown for him. And what happened next was his mother suddenly screaming loudly, screaming angrily. And Tsuzuru suddenly closed his ears but the old woman's voice continued to be heard even when Tsuzuru had closed his ears tightly. The thing he felt then was his mother running towards him, pushing him hard until Tsuzuru's back hit the cold floor.

He was in great pain.

_Both physically and mentally of course._

Tsuzuru looked fearfully at his mother who was still strangled his neck, cursing him, cursing him constantly. Cold sweat poured out of the man's temples, his pale hands then clasped his mother's gaunt white hands, wishing her mother would let him go. Releasing him from pain that seemed like it wouldn't end. “Please, let me go..., let me free.” With all his might, Tsuzuru struggled to speak.

However, the old woman who was in front of him didn't pay attention to his words at all. Instead, she strangled Tsuzuru so tightly that the man coughed, in his sight, in his hallucinations. It was his mother who was strangling him like this.

However, the reality is...

Tsuzuru himself tormented himself.

_This, only the result of his delusions._

* * *

Tachibana Izumi walked through the hallway, carrying a cup of tea which was starting to cool down. The brown-haired woman's footsteps then stopped right in a room, slowly, her hand touched the doorknob and opened it so she could walk in. And the first thing she saw was Tsuzuru who was sitting on the bed with his right hand holding a knife, there was a bloodstain. Not only that, there was an incision wound on Tsuzuru's left wrist.

Surprised, Izumi immediately dropped her teacup. Makes the cup burst, making a very loud sound. In a hurry, Izumi immediately approached Tsuzuru and intended to take the knife from his hand. But, when Izumi intended to do so, Tsuzuru's left hand grabbed Izumi's wrist, stopping the woman who was intending to take the knife he was holding. “No, don't do that.” He said, his tone sounded hoarse and desperate, a little hoarse, Izumi was petrified, her pink iris then turned to stare at Tsuzuru's condition. The man's face was pale, like a corpse. And the bandage wrapped around his neck was slightly torn, Izumi could also see the scratch marks there. Blood was still faithfully flowing from Tsuzuru's wrist, but the man didn't have an expression of pain.

There's only a feeling of hopelessness.

In a hurry, Izumi immediately took the first aid box that was in the drawer of the small table, which was located next to Tsuzuru's bed. She immediately took a bandage and immediately wrapped it towards the wound on Tsuzuru's left wrist. She also replaced the broken bandages on Tsuzuru's neck with new ones after cleaning his wounds. When she did that, Tsuzuru said nothing. Just silent and not rebellious. After finishing, Izumi immediately put the first aid box back into the table drawer then looked at Tsuzuru gently. She was about to say something but the words said by Tsuzuru stopped her intention. “Why? You don't need to help me.” Said Tsuzuru while averting his gaze.

His right hand was still holding the knife that was stained with blood.

_Is he trying to kill himself again?_

It seems so.

Izumi stared at Tsuzuru silently, she then rubbed the man's back gently while shortening the distance between the two of them, Izumi quietly said. “You're hurt, there's no way I can't help you.” Said Izumi, instead answering, Tsuzuru gave her a faint smile. The two of them fell into silence, it seemed that Tsuzuru was no longer interested in saying a word, so Izumi took this opportunity to take the knife from Tsuzuru's right hand.

But, again she failed.

Tsuzuru's left hand stopped her intention again. Gripping her wrist tightly while looking at Izumi with his blank gaze. In that position, they fell silent. Neither one of them wanted to start a conversation, and Tsuzuru also didn't seem intent on releasing his grip on Izumi. “I told you, you don't need to help me, Doctor. You don't have to do that.” Tsuzuru said while lowering his head, secretly feeling uneasy. Izumi who saw that bit her lower lip slightly. She hated it the most when she had to see Tsuzuru suffer like this without being able to do anything to help him.

Mental illness is very troublesome, because the sufferer is constantly caught up in his terrible delusions. But, Izumi came to help. Help him to be free of delusions that aren't real. But, from the start Tsuzuru didn't seem to accept her presence. Didn't accept her help. In fact, that man was acting strange. He always said he loved Izumi and will continue to be like that forever, that woman was actually a little confused when she heard the words ‘I love you’ out of Tsuzuru's lips.

But, slowly, Izumi found out that it was only Tsuzuru's attempt to make Izumi feel disgusted to him and wouldn't want to help him. Of course that would never happen, Izumi couldn't possibly allow that.

And without even Izumi noticing, she seemed to have loved that man. _Really love him._ As long as Izumi took care of Tsuzuru, she knew several things about that man. He has a dark past, and often hallucinating, constantly trying to kill himself, as he did some time ago. Tried to jump from the old building which was worn and unused. He rarely shows a smile, and too often daydreams. His gaze lacked the passion for life, only a blank gaze like an undead.

Izumi knew that the thing Tsuzuru wanted was death. However, he wanted it because of the delusions he was suffering from. Not that his heart really wanted to die. Of course, of course it is, right?

_Or to be honest, death was what he wished for?_

Izumi shook her head vigorously. Trying to get rid of the negative thoughts that were starting to appear in her brain. Realizing earlier, Tsuzuru was still holding her hand faithfully. He also remained silent, didn't say a word. Izumi who saw that then gently stroked Tsuzuru's hair and then brought her face closer to the man's face. And secretly felt funny when she saw Tsuzuru's surprised expression when her face was very close to him. “You don't need to feel inferior, Tsuzuru. I sincerely want to help you, so stop saying that.” Izumi said while kissing Tsuzuru's pale lips briefly. Makes a faint blush appear on the man's cheeks. The brown haired woman only chuckled softly when she saw that. Tsuzuru's irises occasionally glanced at Izumi shyly and then gave the woman the knife that was in his hand.

Naturally, Izumi took it happily and then put it in the pocket of her white coat. “Sorry, I didn't mean to trouble you.” Said Tsuzuru feeling guilty, his words sounded sincere. Izumi who heard that put a gentle smile and then stroked Tsuzuru's light brown hair while looking at the man attentively. “Did you see, or dream of something terrible last night? Or maybe a few days?” Izumi carefully asked, silently hoping that her question wouldn't burden Tsuzuru. Izumi didn't expect an answer, it was fine if Tsuzuru chose to remain silent.

Anyway, Izumi only wanted Tsuzuru to know that she cared about him the most.

Tsuzuru lightly bit his lower lip and then hugged Izumi's body instantly. Although a little surprised, Izumi returned Tsuzuru's hug while lightly rubbing the man's back. Provides full affection and comfort. Tsuzuru honestly wanted to tell Izumi about the things that had been haunting him all this time. However, not a word could come out through his lips. Last night, he had a dream he really didn't want. The first dream, he saw his parents who had a big fight, and also his father who was strangling his mother. Then, when Tsuzuru opened his eyes, what he saw was the figure of his mother tormenting him, bringing Tsuzuru back to his terrible past. And, when he fell back asleep he dreamed of the things he hated. I really hate it.

_At that time he was ten years old._

_Tsuzuru returned home, feeling cheerful because he managed to get a perfect test in the Japanese language exam, when he had set foot inside the house. All he found was endless silence. Innocently, Tsuzuru looked for the whereabouts of his parents, especially his mother. Without knowing anything, Tsuzuru opened the door to his parents bedroom._

_And what he saw was his mother's body hanging from the ceiling wall._

_Nine years after that, witnessing the body of his mother who committed suicide, even though at that time he was very young, left a trauma in Tsuzuru's memory. Almost every night he saw his mother's body lying stiff, occasionally, he also saw the figure of his mother who looked at him angrily then cursed him and ended up strangling him. Despite the fact that Tsuzuru himself was strangling his own neck. His family is getting messier, especially his father who's increasingly rude to him and his brother._

_Tsuzuru tried his best to protect his siblings but of course all of these things ended up being useless. That night should be a normal lonely night, it should be like that. However, Tsuzuru still remembered vividly when his father casually dragged his younger brother's body out of the house, dragging him over the broken pavement of the road, full of stones and cold. Tsuzuru wanted to help him but fear to stopped his father. But, even so Tsuzuru was secretly following his father from behind._

_Even from far away, Tsuzuru could clearly see the face of his younger brother who was in great pain. But, his father didn't care about it. Instead, he grew stronger dragging the body of his youngest brother, as if he were pulling a sack of rice. However, his brother wasn't an inanimate object that wouldn't feel pain even if you pulled over the thorny road, his brother was a fragile little human. Tsuzuru still clearly remembers the condition of his younger brother's body which was shredded by stones on the road. Full of deep wounds, bloodstains filled his brother's body._

_Tsuzuru really wanted to help but he was too scared. Really too scared, that's why Tsuzuru decided to go back to his house and pretend as if nothing happened._

_How hypocritical and selfish he is._

_Tsuzuru knew this was the wrong thing. He should've saved his brother, but he was too scared to die. Too afraid to be tortured. But, Tsuzuru's conscience said to pick up his brother. He was in pain, and should Tsuzuru be concerned with his ego right now? In this emergency situation. In his haste, Tsuzuru searched for a phone, but when he found it, it was broken. Tsuzuru looked for a cell phone but he found none._

_He could've run to the police station but it was very far. So, Tsuzuru decided to ask his neighbors for help but no one paid any attention to him, instead he was shouted as ‘crazy.’ So, the only option Tsuzuru had was to go see his father and save his younger brother. With hasty steps, Tsuzuru ran on the asphalt filled with rocks, barefoot. He forgot to put on his shoes, but that's not the point right now. Even though the soles of his feet were covered with wounds and also dripping blood, it wasn't that important._

_His little brother, his brother was waiting for him there._

_Tsuzuru's iris then caught the silhouette of an old man who was similar to his father's posture. It was clearly his father. The man suddenly walked away after seemingly leaving something behind. Quickly, Tsuzuru walked through the grass that stretched wildly, looking for his brother's whereabouts. But, it looks like Tsuzuru deserves to be punished. How could he have chosen to walk home earlier and pretend that nothing had happened?_

_And, look at it now._

_His younger brother's head had been cut off, his right arm was covered with wounds that were wide open, blood splattered everywhere, soaking the grass, Tsuzuru sat limply. Staring blankly at his brother's terrifying body. And since then, feelings of hatred towards his father started to appear. Tsuzuru never knew the reason why his father would do such cruelty to his own son, all Tsuzuru thought was killing him, killing him, and killing him. Torture him if necessary so that Tsuzuru will feel satisfied._

_So, he killed him._

_By putting pesticides in his father's drink._

It was the thing that haunted him all night. A glimpse of the memory of his terrible past, Tsuzuru really wanted to forget about it but there was nothing he could do. He'll continue to remember it as well as feelings of guilt for leaving his younger brother who honestly needs his help. If he hadn't been a coward back then, maybe his younger brother would still be alive today.

_And, perhaps too,_

_He would never meet Izumi._

But, isn't that better?

“I want to sleep.” Tsuzuru then said while releasing his embrace from Izumi and immediately lay down on the bed, pulling the white blanket to cover his body so it wouldn't be cold. Tsuzuru said nothing, neither asked Izumi to leave. But the brown-haired woman knew that her job was finished here. After cleaning the broken glass teacup.

Izumi walked out of Tsuzuru's room.


End file.
